"If I Ever Get Married" List

              Once upon a time, I didn’t think I would get married for a verrry long time. For many reasons I was consumed with other parts of life, and finding a future husband just wasn’t on my radar. However, that didn’t stop me from having a “if I ever do get married” list with a few things like…

ü   “white boy”

ü   blue eyes

ü  genuinely and freely loves the Lord

ü  tall enough so that I could wear any size heel I want to…(a staple request on a tall girl’s list)

ü  For good measure, please let him be able to sing (I thought this was asking for TOO much!)

          While I had my list, I thought it would be by chance if I got even just a few of my wishes someday. It wasn’t until I read, “When God Writes Your Love Story,” that I really started to consider that the Lord might actually give me the desires of my heart when I pursued His heart for me first. Little did I know that the Lord knew what I wanted and needed before I could ever express it myself. In fact, He knew them better than I did, and orchestrated it all in a timing so perfect that changed the course of my life forever. I would never have chosen the circumstances that surrounded the timing myself, but the Lord knew I needed for it all to happen exactly the way it did for my heart to be in just the right place. J

         On my way home today from running an errand with a girlfriend, I was reminded about how God wrote my own love story. After I asked what her “type” was in a guy, I listened as my friend shared some of the things she considered important and wants one day too. As an encouragement to not worry or fret, I shared a little of what I wished for and how Derek came packaged with it all, AND more.

      “It’s amazing how God cares about even those little details, and how He already knows what is best for us.” Her words are true! I hoped, I wished, I crossed my fingers for it all, and the Lord had already checked it off His list for me. I can imagine Him listening to my prayers and looking down on me thinking, “My love, that is on my list for you too. Let me check this one box for you…”

ü Derek

     If you are single and discouraged, don’t lose hope. While fairytales and movies make it all seem to happen on an overnight whim, that is just not the case. I know this for sure, I promise. I didn't get to twirl around in a yellow gown with books galore surrounding me either.  A white wedding dress was better anyway! At least I didn't have to deal with a Gaston-ish guy! On a serious note...what you may think you want and need, might just not be what the Lord desires for you. I firmly believe that when we seek Him in everything and yearn to know His plan for our lives, that our desires become His desires. If you are engaged or married remember what you love about your spouse or soon-to-be and think back to it often. Give thanks for how your honey uniquely satisfies what you had on your “if I ever get married list,” and on the hard days, think about these things again and again.

     All of my requests weren't shallow, I promise. BUT, I did get my tall, handsome, blue-eyed, white boy… What came true for you? J

 

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 AMP

Resolved

We are four days into the New Year. How are your resolutions holding up? Pretty good so far, right? I’m feeling on top of things with my resolutions this early into the year too. :)

I once heard someone say that the reason she used the word “resolution” versus “goal” for some of the items on her New Year’s list was because she continually wanted to be working on them and not get to a place where checking something off meant never visiting it again- like an attitude change.
For 2012 and now this year, I have loved getting to add new things to work on under the “wife” category. (Lord help me to keep saying so!) Adding resolutions and goals to the lines for physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health have seemed to be a little easier. Maybe it's because working towards being the wife God created me to be doesn't only change me, but it empowers Derek to be the husband and man he was designed to become. Talk about a lot of "girl power!"

I have to confess that while I don't think I have crossed the boundary of becoming a "nagging wife," there is a thing or two I have tried to change for Derek more than once that I am sure he is weary hearing about. No compromise of morality, no major essential to argue about, just preferences that I can, honestly, let go. Well, this year I have resolved to shift the... let's call it what it is, NAGGING, focus onto issues that I can improve in my own life and let God do his work as Holy Spirit in my and Derek's lives. It is true, I am his wife and not the little voice in his head. That's a relief!

One of my mantra's this year is "I can!" based off of Phil. 4:13, "For I CAN do everything through Christ, who gives me strength."

*I can stop nagging before it starts... because Christ strengthens me!

*I can be the wife I am uniquely designed to be... because Christ strengthens me!

*I can build my marriage up... because Christ strengthens me!

Today I meditated on the two verses that precede this passage, "Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. (Philippians 4:11, 12 NLT)" Marriage is a choice, to love is a choice, and to be a better spouse is a choice that we have made or can make. Like these verses encourage us to do, I invite you to be resolved to be #1, content. Let's choose to be content with the decision we made to be in our marriage, no matter how the thought of it may be today. It can be a learned action! Secondly, "in good times and in bad, for better or worse" let us unlock the secret to living with everything or nothing, remembering the cheerfulness with which we promised to do so on our wedding day.

Today, I overheard negativity about the state of marriages and my heart was crushed. Not only does it discourage me as a young married, but it makes hope for lasting marriages seem grim. Marriage isn't easy but the effort put into yours is worth every tear shed and smile reaped. I hope we, wives, will resolve to pray and be faithfully committed to our husband and marriage in 2013 and every year that we get to enjoy our days with our handsome lovers... because Christ gives us the strength to!


Happy New Year, sweetie! :)

Something to Trend Set About

     I have to admit, one of my biggest pet peeves is getting jabbed with comments about my age. If you’re also an early 20s young married then you are probably all too familiar with the “You’re too young to be married” comments. “Oh, you’re just young and in love-that’ll change.” What does that even mean? Arrg! Last week I was reminded in a much needed and refreshing way that while I am a young wife and may seem to not know “too much” there are older couples watching me. We, Derek and I, are being watched as Christians and as individuals, but more than that there are eyes observing what our marriage testimony is speaking to the world around us. I/ you may be young, but we are not useless.

     Derek, and the worship ministry he leads at our church, recorded an incredible album recently over the span of two evenings. I decided to come and support the choir, my hubs, and the project both nights so I took a seat in the back of the sanctuary and hoped that my presence would not distract anyone too much. I’m not quite sure I sat still long enough to fly under the radar but I tried… A few days later on Sunday in between our morning services, an older gentleman approached me and said that he appreciated my presence at the recording (how sweet) and that it spoke of my support for Derek as a wife to come even if just to watch. “I notice when a wife supports her husband.” That was music to my young and married ears.

     As he walked away, I was reminded that people are watching me as a person for more than just how I dress and what I say. There are eyes from little people and seasoned adults that are comparing what I say and believe about marriage to how I am actually “living the talk.” I was reminded of the verse in 1 Timothy 4:12:

“[Giselle] don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example [as a wife] to all believers in what [I] say, in the way [I] live, in [my] love, [my] faith, and [my] purity.”

     I personalized this verse because I did not want to forget that I am not only a Christian called to be an example, but I am a Christian wife called to the same as well.  Would another believer think of me as an example in this area even in my young age? Does the way that I love Derek tell the world about a love greater than mine, Christ’s? Am I setting boundaries and protecting my reputation and that of my marriage’s so that my purity as a wife will not come into question? These are thoughts, wives, that we must consider if we take up the challenge found in this verse. I hope that you get “God winked” too by having an older person, or anyone really, respect you for striving to be a young wife who shows the world that “age ain’t nothing but a number” when it comes to setting an example. You go girl. J

 

This week's married moment: Derek supported the Boy Scouts and brought home a little surprise. See ya' under the mistletoe. Muaaah! :)

 

Communication Breach

     Derek is a “words” guy. No, not in the literary sense but he appreciates a genuine compliment or thoughtful words of encouragement. I knew this pretty early on in our dating phase, but more than anything I realized how great of a need it was in his life. However, simply knowing this and acting on it are two totally different things. We can know all day long that our spouse is in need of communicated affirmation but if we are not acting on this knowledge than it is not benefitting you, nor is it edifying him. Ohhh, it was so hard for me to understand that saying “good job” and “thanks” weren’t sufficient phrases to use every time. If you have gotten to the point of harshly critiquing your honey for their need of affirmation and appreciation, I hope this little insight calls you to reevaluate your approach. There may just be a communication breach creating a divide that is separating what you desire to give  your honey and what he truly needs. There really is love in the details…

     I would find myself getting frustrated at Derek’s reactions after giving, what I thought, was a good compliment. For example, if I thought the music was good on a particular Sunday morning then I might have said, “Babe, everything sounded great today!” In my heart though, I was exploding with admiration for all that he does as a Worship Pastor (among many other titles) on a weekly basis. I could not imagine having to handle his work load and still keep it together enough to usher a congregation into worship on Sunday mornings. So, why was it so hard for me to get the heart felt words out? Apparently, there was a little goblin that was stealing my treasured compliments and swapping it out for me in the form of a boring report- who wants that exchange!? Not I.

     It would puzzle me why Derek seemed empty hearted with some of my compliments and it sometimes felt like what I said went in through one ear and out the other. Since we (yes, you and I) are committed to working hard on our marriages, I took off my big girl pants and put myself in a vulnerable and humbling position to share my thoughts with a professional counselor. (Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you have major issues if you need/want to see a counselor! We’ll address that in another post. J) Truth be told, I was kind of hoping that she would take my side and assure me that I was saying the perfect words to satisfy my husband’s need for “words of affirmation.” Well, that wasn’t quite the case. She asked me to reenact how I would usually deliver a compliment or encouragement to Derek, body language and all. “Giselle, the way you are telling Derek what you think is coming across like you are giving him a report.”

     **GASP** I swallowed my pride pill and continued the session practicing the tweaks and techniques she offered so that my words would come out with the heart and thought that I had intended for them to. And what do you know, it worked! There’s a grand difference in including little details like, “Derek, I noticed that you expressed transparency in an intimate way while you were leading worship today. That takes so much courage and I admire that!” Doesn’t that sound so much better than simply saying, “You did great today”? Wives, it just takes a little aha! moments every once in a while to get us back on track. So I extend the challenge to you today that whether it be how your words are being used or the way you touch your spouse, let your actions affirm love but not be communicated in the form of a report. Let your amorous actions be carefree expressions of all the goodness that really is bubbling in your heart. That, pretty wife, is taking a step to loving your spouse in a way that is unique to only him.

Now, go off and enjoy the perks of having a happy husband after this exercise!

 XOXO