In-Law Relationships

      It has been a little while since I have been able to post but I have not forgotten about you, my faithful reader. :) School has been kicking me in the booty with assignments, exams, and deadlines, and it is still only the first month of classes- yikes! I am so thankful that I was able to have a little bit of a break this weekend to catch my breath and take a mini road trip with my sister-in-laws and mom-in-law to Georgia for the Yellow Daisy Festival in Buckhead.  The festival was like a giant farmer's market, and it was so fun! I spent pretty much every moment with these ladies and I got to thinking about how important it is to have a relationship with my husband’s family.

     Not everyone can say that they have a relationship (or a friendship) with their spouse’s family, I am well aware. I am so blessed to say that I do and to know that they want to have a relationship with me too. We all know the negative mentality that surrounds “the in-laws.” Remember Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda in Monster in Law, or the family chaos in Meet the Fockers? How about the thought that sister-in-laws are always in competition with each other or the “favoritism syndrome”? Let’s be real, it is funny to laugh at these stereotypes but in reality it is not healthy. It bothers me to hear husbands and wives sometimes negatively argue that, “I married my spouse and NOT their family.” While it is true you are married to your honey, their family is also part of the equation too. Yes, there are boundaries to keep in your married life with the “parents” and there will be some things that drive you nuts about them, but that does not mean you have the right to be mean to them or about them to other people.

     I am so blessed to have a mother-in-law that wants to keep all of our families together, who remembers specifics in our conversations together, and who sincerely loves the Lord. My sister-in-laws are just as great and it is fun to get to know their differences and unique personalities that make up who they are. I know that I am privileged to do ministry with them and live in the same state also. Being on this trip with "the girls" this weekend made me take note of some important actions that you and I can take to being active in developing our relationships with the in-laws. You may see your husband’s family as your worst enemies or you may be happy in your friendship with them, but do not let the time pass by and realize that you could have invested  more with them.

Being silly with Derek's sisters, Denille and Diana

• Respect- It does not matter whether you love or dread being with your in-laws, they deserve respect just as much as you do. For the sake of love, human decency, and maturity…show respect always.

• Have Fun- Try to schedule times where you can just have FUN with your in-laws. I have had great times with my sister-in-laws by taking a walk on the beach together, getting pedicures, watching a TV show, and even shopping together. “Girls just wanna have fun!”
• Be Curious- Be curious about them. Ask questions, lots of them! My in-laws probably think I ask too many questions, but I do not care. :) This weekend I wanted to know everything from their favorite holiday traditions to what kinds of things they like to eat. Ask away, it makes conversations so rich!
• Discern- It is amazing what you can learn about a person if you just listen. People will unconsciously and sometimes consciously reveal fears, insecurities, joys, and more in conversation without even realizing it. Care about what your in-laws say whether they realize it or not. With that information either make it your personal prayer point, find a way you can help motivate them, or take the time to talk to him (if you are a guy) or her (for the "sisters") about a concern you might have.
• Be loyal- Defend your in-laws even if you hate to do it. They are your family too and it is just ugly to see families go against each other. You do not have to be their friend, but be loyal in the family bond. Do not let other people say nasty things about them, and do not have the tongue that betrays either. It is just not right.
• Remember- When you have a conversation, remember details. It always makes me feel good to hear one of my in-laws repeat something back to me that I would have never thought they remembered about me. Do the same towards them.

• Humility- Don’t try to act like you have it all figured out. I love when my in-laws are transparent. It reminds me that they are human too. Sometimes, as newlyweds, I think we feel like we have to prove we are “worthy” of attention and a place in our spouse’s family. Relax. Be humble and don’t stress over your in-laws doing, saying, or knowing something you wish you had first. It is petty in the grand scheme of things.

     These are just a few thoughts and, obviously, there could be many more ways or ideas to have a relationship with your "second" family. I encourage you to think about the relationship that you have with your in-laws. If it is a great one, be thankful. Are there ways you could make it better? If it is struggling, take time to think about how you can make changes to try to mend the patches.

I promise it will be so worth it.

 

Left to right: Diana, me, Denille, Brooke, and "Ms. Donna"(mom-in-law :))

P.S. Here are two articles I found that may be beneficial for you:

In-Law Relationships

Ten Tips for Getting Along...