Something to Trend Set About

     I have to admit, one of my biggest pet peeves is getting jabbed with comments about my age. If you’re also an early 20s young married then you are probably all too familiar with the “You’re too young to be married” comments. “Oh, you’re just young and in love-that’ll change.” What does that even mean? Arrg! Last week I was reminded in a much needed and refreshing way that while I am a young wife and may seem to not know “too much” there are older couples watching me. We, Derek and I, are being watched as Christians and as individuals, but more than that there are eyes observing what our marriage testimony is speaking to the world around us. I/ you may be young, but we are not useless.

     Derek, and the worship ministry he leads at our church, recorded an incredible album recently over the span of two evenings. I decided to come and support the choir, my hubs, and the project both nights so I took a seat in the back of the sanctuary and hoped that my presence would not distract anyone too much. I’m not quite sure I sat still long enough to fly under the radar but I tried… A few days later on Sunday in between our morning services, an older gentleman approached me and said that he appreciated my presence at the recording (how sweet) and that it spoke of my support for Derek as a wife to come even if just to watch. “I notice when a wife supports her husband.” That was music to my young and married ears.

     As he walked away, I was reminded that people are watching me as a person for more than just how I dress and what I say. There are eyes from little people and seasoned adults that are comparing what I say and believe about marriage to how I am actually “living the talk.” I was reminded of the verse in 1 Timothy 4:12:

“[Giselle] don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example [as a wife] to all believers in what [I] say, in the way [I] live, in [my] love, [my] faith, and [my] purity.”

     I personalized this verse because I did not want to forget that I am not only a Christian called to be an example, but I am a Christian wife called to the same as well.  Would another believer think of me as an example in this area even in my young age? Does the way that I love Derek tell the world about a love greater than mine, Christ’s? Am I setting boundaries and protecting my reputation and that of my marriage’s so that my purity as a wife will not come into question? These are thoughts, wives, that we must consider if we take up the challenge found in this verse. I hope that you get “God winked” too by having an older person, or anyone really, respect you for striving to be a young wife who shows the world that “age ain’t nothing but a number” when it comes to setting an example. You go girl. J

 

This week's married moment: Derek supported the Boy Scouts and brought home a little surprise. See ya' under the mistletoe. Muaaah! :)

 

Communication Breach

     Derek is a “words” guy. No, not in the literary sense but he appreciates a genuine compliment or thoughtful words of encouragement. I knew this pretty early on in our dating phase, but more than anything I realized how great of a need it was in his life. However, simply knowing this and acting on it are two totally different things. We can know all day long that our spouse is in need of communicated affirmation but if we are not acting on this knowledge than it is not benefitting you, nor is it edifying him. Ohhh, it was so hard for me to understand that saying “good job” and “thanks” weren’t sufficient phrases to use every time. If you have gotten to the point of harshly critiquing your honey for their need of affirmation and appreciation, I hope this little insight calls you to reevaluate your approach. There may just be a communication breach creating a divide that is separating what you desire to give  your honey and what he truly needs. There really is love in the details…

     I would find myself getting frustrated at Derek’s reactions after giving, what I thought, was a good compliment. For example, if I thought the music was good on a particular Sunday morning then I might have said, “Babe, everything sounded great today!” In my heart though, I was exploding with admiration for all that he does as a Worship Pastor (among many other titles) on a weekly basis. I could not imagine having to handle his work load and still keep it together enough to usher a congregation into worship on Sunday mornings. So, why was it so hard for me to get the heart felt words out? Apparently, there was a little goblin that was stealing my treasured compliments and swapping it out for me in the form of a boring report- who wants that exchange!? Not I.

     It would puzzle me why Derek seemed empty hearted with some of my compliments and it sometimes felt like what I said went in through one ear and out the other. Since we (yes, you and I) are committed to working hard on our marriages, I took off my big girl pants and put myself in a vulnerable and humbling position to share my thoughts with a professional counselor. (Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you have major issues if you need/want to see a counselor! We’ll address that in another post. J) Truth be told, I was kind of hoping that she would take my side and assure me that I was saying the perfect words to satisfy my husband’s need for “words of affirmation.” Well, that wasn’t quite the case. She asked me to reenact how I would usually deliver a compliment or encouragement to Derek, body language and all. “Giselle, the way you are telling Derek what you think is coming across like you are giving him a report.”

     **GASP** I swallowed my pride pill and continued the session practicing the tweaks and techniques she offered so that my words would come out with the heart and thought that I had intended for them to. And what do you know, it worked! There’s a grand difference in including little details like, “Derek, I noticed that you expressed transparency in an intimate way while you were leading worship today. That takes so much courage and I admire that!” Doesn’t that sound so much better than simply saying, “You did great today”? Wives, it just takes a little aha! moments every once in a while to get us back on track. So I extend the challenge to you today that whether it be how your words are being used or the way you touch your spouse, let your actions affirm love but not be communicated in the form of a report. Let your amorous actions be carefree expressions of all the goodness that really is bubbling in your heart. That, pretty wife, is taking a step to loving your spouse in a way that is unique to only him.

Now, go off and enjoy the perks of having a happy husband after this exercise!

 XOXO

My Kind of Gift

     Don’t you love Frank Sinatra’s “Mistletoe and Holly” song? I do! Oh, by gosh, by golly! It has quickly become one of my preferred roll-the-windows-down-spread-Christmas-cheer-to-the-408-highway songs. On another note, one of this year’s [real] favorites for me is “My Grown Up Christmas List.” Listening to this song makes me think about what kind of gifts I cherish the most and why.

     You don’t have to look around too long to figure out that the holiday season for giving is here. Getting through retail lines feels like a challenge on the Amazing Race and pocket books across the country are starting to break a sweat. (Insert Dave Ramsey plug: I hope you’ve got an envelope for that! J) You know it’s bad when you can’t keep track of all your gift receipts, yikes! While I do enjoy a thoughtful gift and I understand that most of the joy in shopping for gifts is giving the present afterward, I still think there tends to be a lot of heart missing behind this season’s giving practices. Whatever happened to birthdays and anniversaries being the big gift giving days anyway? Shiny new tech gadgets are nice, designer bags get the oh la la's! that their price tags demand, and the good ol’ gym membership for a year is a winner;  but, I figured out a gift that trumps them all. This season I hope that your focus either stays on or shifts to giving the gift of a memory.

     Before you “Gift” love language peeps roll your eyes, what I am saying is that I hope this holiday season reminds you of the reasons why we give and not the stress of forking out $$$ for a luxury tied to a little tag. My kind of gift is the one I can tell my friends, family, and someday kids about for many years to come, even when I am old and “seasoned” in life. I cannot wait to tell our future munchkins that their daddy took me to Niagara Falls for my birthday one year, or that we got to sponsor a  needy child when I was their age with my family one Christmas. I would be remiss to make the highlight of all my Christmas days of the past, present, and future a tale about my first cell phone, a shiny new hair iron, or a great pair of shoes. Do you get what I am saying? Enjoy shopping and picking out those wonderful gifts but don’t forget to stuff them fully with heartfelt intention, loving thoughts, and a memory attached for years to come. That's a price tag that can't be taken off and trashed! This is my kind of gift, one that is all over my grown up Christmas list. J Your kids will forgive you for not getting them the latest i-Whatever this one year on Christmas and you won’t regret it either- I am sure.

P.S. Next year when you go back to buying the designer bags, you can add my name to the list! ;)

 

 "Der, what's a reindeer face look like?"

Apparently, it looks like this...

Memories. <3