Challenge: 31 Days of Praying for your Husband

 

     Get ready to bookmark this post because you are about to read, and hopefully accept, a challenge for wives that will span over the next 31 days.  I just could not ignore the Spirit’s leading to share this! Ready?

     If you have been reading this blog for any amount of time then you probably figured out that I am on a lifetime, “till death do us part” mission to make my marriage work. Not just work in a day-to-day getting by sense, but I want to work on having a marriage that grows and thrives even on the not so blissful days. With that said, I have been thinking a lot about prayer. I believe that prayer works, BIG TIME, and it is something I do take seriously. I find it easy to add names to our prayer board on the fridge, and to commit to memory specifics about other people’s requests. While this is a great practice for anyone, I felt the Lord impress on my heart recently that I needed to put that same effort into praying more specifically and intentionally for Derek. That was prompting #1. To pray beyond the “Lord keep him safe, give him good health, help him in today’s work and strike down anyone that gets in his way” prayers. Ok… so the last part might be a slight exaggeration. hehe.

     Prompting #2: The last time I visited my family in Miami, I decided to borrow, err, keep a book from my mom’s bookshelf, Becoming the Woman of His Dreams. If I haven’t said it already, my mom is my role model when it comes to being a godly wife. Who knew that the first section of this book would be about a wife that prays for her husband- affirmation!

     Prompting #3 and the challenge: I have a special liking for Pinterest and all its creative goodness. Don’t judge me, I pin way more than I actually do… I’ll have you know, however, that if a pin to make craft can get me to our local Hobby Lobby store, then a pin to pray for my husband can definitely prompt me to action too.  In browsing random boards, I came across one that had a link for “31 Days of Praying for Your Husband. “ Perfect!  This site has incredible daily prompts to *start* the deeper, targeted prayers for your honey. I am on day three and on my way to school today I was able to pray that, “… [my] husband would be humble and quick to agree with God about his sin [and] that his heart would be tender toward the voice of the Lord.”

I tried a different thirty-one day challenge last year and I was amazed at how God worked in my heart for a month. So, I am open and ready to continue this challenge and intentionally pray for Derek! It was originally intended to be during the month of October but we’ll just carry it on through November, ok? J

 

  Here is the link for the challenge page: 31 Days of Praying for Your Husband

     Find a time that you know you can will commit to prayer each day for the next few weeks. For me, honestly, it has been in my car the last three days on my way out to school and church. You do not have to be on your knees with the lights off in a room to pray- although that atmosphere is great too. You can do it right now. J I hope you will take up this challenge not because I have asked you to, but because you love your husband and care for your marriage enough to know that fervent prayer accomplishes much… even in marriage. (James 5:16) This can be a committment between you and the Lord and your husband does not have to know until after (if you want to tell him!) that you prayed over him for 31 days.

     Let’s keep each other accountable too! Feel free to text me, e-mail me, tweet me, or send me a message on FB. If you’re not married, you can still take up the challenge to pray for your fiancé or seriously dating boyfriend.  Even if you are single, you can use this time to pray this over your future husband. It would be pretty neat to be able to tell your spouse someday that you prayed specifics over him without knowing who it would be. Sheesh, I would be blown away!

  

This will be great- Thank you, Lord!

The “Other” 3 Words…

"I ________ _____________."

     In the last year it’s become obvious to me that there are a few words that can carry a lot more weight than the “big three” of I love you. Want to know the other 3? I am sorry.

     Confession: I have a hard time saying, “I am sorry.” Pride is my downfall when it comes to apologizing. How do I know this? Because I asked the Lord to reveal it to me and to renew a right spirit in my heart (Ps. 51:10.) The pride of not wanting to be wrong, pride of not wanting to seem weak, or even worse, the pride of not wanting to accept that I made a mistake rears its ugly head when I know I should be accepting my fault. On my list of things that I have learned in this first year of marriage, saying “I am sorry” is up top. I can’t deny that learning how to use these three words is one of the most important, healthy, and powerful skills any young bride (or husband) can learn! Too much hurt is carried for years because of resentment and bitterness that could have been healed by a humble heart genuinely apologizing. Humility trumps pride, every time.

     Derek and I have come to realize that extremes aren’t healthy either. To say it “too much” usually turns into one person stuffing hurt emotions, not being genuine in the apology, or even worse, just apologizing to get a disagreement over with and not work through it in a healthy way. I have heard it said before that people who apologize too often usually struggle with unresolved past hurts,  insecurity, people pleasing tendencies, and more. Sometimes he or she doesn’t even realize that they are apologizing for any little thing. On the other end of the extreme spectrum is to withhold an apology. This creates more hurts, fuels pride, doesn’t allow for trust to grow, and several other destructive things. Our God never intended for us to let this go to either of these unhealthy sides…

     I know this is way easier said than done. But, like I mentioned, it’s an art that’s worth practicing more and/or learning. :)

1.       Ask the Lord for humility- He can reveal things in your heart that you didn’t even know were harming you and your spouse…like pride.

2.       Practice saying “I am sorry!”-  The art of apologizing can be learned too. Thank God! J

 

3.       Learn the "languages" of an apology- Just as we learn the languages of love (touch, gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation and quality time), there are languages for apologies too. In Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Languages of Apology, he names the following three aspects of an apology and says that they too differ from person to person:

·         Expressing regret-  “I am sorry.”

·         Accepting responsibility- “I was wrong.”

·         Making restitution- “What can I do to make it right?”

·         Genuinely repenting- “I’ll try not to do that again.”

·         Requesting forgiveness- “Will you please forgive me?”

     If you have a great handle on this, awesome! Pray for us YoungMarrieds who want to keep working on it. J Don’t beat yourself up if this is an area you struggle in though. Let today be your “clean start” and partner with God through it. Now, let’s get to practice!

 

Verses on Pride & Humility

“A man’s pride will bring him low, but a humble spirit will obtain honor.” Prov. 29:23 (NASB)

 

“Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Prov. 11:2 (NLT)

“For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Matt. 23:12 (NIV)

“Speak no more in your pride. Do not let proud talk come out of your mouth. For the Lord is a God who knows. Actions are weighed by Him.” 1 Sam. 2:3 (NLV)

“But He gives us more and more grace (power of the Holy Spirit, to meet this evil tendency and all others fully). That is why He says, God sets Himself against the proud and haughty, but gives grace [continually] to the lowly (those who are humble enough to receive it).” James 4:6 (AMP)

A Note from a YoungMarried Ministry Wife during “Pastor Appreciation Month”

    

     Did you know that October is “Pastor Appreciation Month?” Unless your church makes a point to mention it or you have it marked on your calendar, then most likely you had no clue. Having grown up as the daughter of a senior pastor all of my life and now being married to a worship pastor, I get the insider’s scoop of what these leaders  go through in ministry which is something that you may never get to see. I can remember several nights in my childhood where my dad chose to respond to a desperate call from a church family who needed their pastor in a crisis moment.  Fast forward to my life now and being married to Derek, you’d never know the number of Saturday nights and other days throughout the week that he lays in bed restless because of ministry related work and the weight of leading the people he is responsible for.

     It burdens me, as a church member and pastor’s wife, the audacity that we can sometimes have to tear down the same men and women who are making God’s Word come alive for us and teaching us biblical truths several times each week. Or, in my case, a man who is so passionate and responsible for cultivating an inviting and intimate atmosphere of worship for our church. They don’t do what they do because they are looking to please you or to get their praises shouted out. Our pastors have accepted a call in their lives from God to lead His people. More times than not we want more, more, MORE from our pastors than we are willing to admit and usually don’t think twice to say a simple, “Thank you.” You may not realize it, but fulfilling the role as a pastor can be a very lonely place to be. From the wife of a pastor, I am asking you to go the extra mile this month to appreciate ALL of your pastors. I am asking this of you because 1) they need it, 2) ministry wives (and husbands) are blessed when their spouse is honored and 3) because we are encouraged instructed to do so in the Bible. Don’t believe me?

“Dear brothers and sisters, honor those who are your leaders in the Lord’s work. They work hard among you and give you spiritual guidance. ¹³ Show them great respect and wholehearted love because of their work. And live peacefully with each other.” 1 Thess. 5:12-13 (NLT)

“Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching.” 1 Tim. 5:17 (ESV)

“Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.” Rom. 13:7 (NIV)

               

     This isn’t only a note for church members but this also goes for you, the wife or husband of a pastor or ministry leader. Sometimes the only place your “pastor spouse” (yes, I just made that word up) gets affirmation and encouragement is at home. If they can’t look to home as being that constant place of affirmation, security, and love, then you’re doing just as much damage to them as some of the people that are throwing the rocks to begin with. In the bigger picture, your pastors should be getting the most honor and respect from their home, your church. There’s truth to what Jesus said in Mathew 13:57 about a prophet not getting honor in his own country or home… Think about it. Not only because Derek is my husband but also because he is one of my pastors, I am to honor and show him respect.

     Here are some practical ways to honor your pastor(s) this month:

1.       Cut back on the criticism- Most workers get evaluated once or twice a year. Pastors, on the other hand, get criticized almost on a weekly basis. Could you imagine being under such constant scrutiny? Additionally, most of the time our criticism comes from a place of selfishness, personal preferences, and without a solution to a problem. Use your mouths and words to lift up your pastor, not tear him down.

2.       Pray for them (a lot) - They need it!

3.       Express appreciation in writing- Give your pastor a handwritten note or send an e-mail with simple words of thanks for something specific. Your pastor will be able to keep this note for many years to come and, perhaps, look back to it on a hard day.

4.       Offer to fill a need- if you have a skill or the time available to fill a need in your church, do it. Maybe you can only commit to serving for a month, or even a year. It is so hard on pastors to have to take the role as “recruiters” too. Lessen their ministry load by using your skills to help! If you can’t seem to find a talent to use, then contribute financially to a church project. There’s a way for everyone to fill a need!

 

5.       Squash gossip- This is self-explanatory. Don’t spread gossip, stop it when you hear it, and encourage others to do the same. Lead by example in this area. What good does gossip serve you anyways? None. It definitely won’t serve your pastor in any beneficial way either.

 

6.       Be responsive- it fuels your pastors to see a head nod in agreement during a message, or event just to hear a responsive “Yes!” or “Amen!” It’s hard to preach or minister to a congregation that is lifeless. Be responsive and give back some of the life that your pastor is pouring out for you. Try it. J

7.       Don’t play the comparisons game- Lining your pastor and church up to another ministry’s measuring stick is a lose-lose situation. Your pastor wasn’t called to be anyone other than who God uniquely created him/her to be and they can’t live up to all of your expectations anyways. Throw out the stick!

 

     These are just a few simple ideas from the dozens that can be done to appreciate your head leaders. I hope that you’ll take this challenge to love on your pastors extra the rest of this month, and work towards showing this same respect and honor more throughout the year. Thanks in advance. J

 

 

A Thoughtful Exercise for Your Spouse from Phil. 4:8

     Earlier this year, I took a suggestion that Holly Furtick posted on her blog that came from the book, What’s it Like to Be Married toMe?, by Linda Dillow. This book challenged me to take my pointed finger off of Derek and turn it right back at myself with tough questions to think about. Some of the questions included, what does it feel like to be my husband? Am I willing to change my attitude? Is it possible to grow together?

     The challenge comes from Philippians 4:8. The idea is to take the key words in the verse and to use them to write something (nice) about your husband. I want to challenge you to try this exercise too, and maybe doodle something cute around the paper and then tuck it away somewhere for your honey to find it later. The verse says:

“And now [wives], dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” (NLT)

     We are called to two actions in this passage: to fix our thoughts and to think about these things. Take these 8 key words that I have marked in bold for you and write something next to each one that relates to your husband (or wife.) Has your honey done something that was admirable in the last week? Write it down, and so on! Depending on the  BIble version that you used for the verse, your words may be a little different. So as an example, your “Phil. 4:8 note" will be structured something like this:

Derek,

True- Thanks for sticking to your promise to XYZ this week. You were true to your word!

Honorable-

Right-

Pure-

Lovely-

Admirable-

Excellent-

Worthy of Praise-

I love you!

-G

     You can be as creative as you want to be. The first time I did this I just wrote it out on a legal pad sheet of paper because I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't “find” something else to do in that moment. The purpose of this is to be intentional in thinking about the good things your spouse does and/or say.s Mine looked like this:

     In reality, you could do this every month and the examples following these key words would probably be different each time. With the holidays coming up, why not add a little extra dose of gratitude in your life? Whenever I get to nagging and complaining, recalling this verse and practicing this exercise is something I’ve taken a special liking to. I am amazed at how my intentionality in doing this gives me perspective. Most of the time we are reminded and realize that the number of good "things"  trump what we consider to be "bad."

      Maybe today you are in a mood where just looking at your spouse makes you mad… do this challenge anyways. I read recently that by doing an action, even if you don’t want to, causes the desired feelings to usually follow. In other words, if you can’t think of a single nice thing to write in this exercise try it in spite of your feelings, and after the first few I bet you’ll realize a change of heart and maybe even attitude. Just try.

    Derek is taking me to see Frankenweenie tonight because the little girl in me wants to. I usually don’t go see animated movies at the theatre, so you can bet he doesn’t either. But, he heard me mention it to someone this week and decided to take me after his band rehearsal tonight. How, lovely. :)

 

His, Mine, Our... Family

Waterfall on our way down to Atitlan, Guatemala

 

      It has been a hard transition getting back into “normal” life for me after having spent a few days away in Antigua, Guatemala, with Derek and my family. Besides the fact that I am not a creature of habit and didn’t care much to come back to my weekly routines, I really miss waking up and knowing I would be spending the day with Derek, my parents, and sister. With them living in another city now, Miami seems forever away on most days. :/

     Finally, I am getting around to uploading a few pictures and adding a blurb or two. This trip was 1) a much needed Moya family vacation and 2) the first time we have vacationed with my family as a married couple. 

     Antigua was absolutely beautiful! So much of the Mayan history and culture is still engrained in the native's lives, the food is delicious, and the sightseeing was breath taking. We saw volcanoes, antiquated buildings, heard the typical marimba music in the city square, ate more frijoles than we should have, and sipped on delicious coffee straight from their land…None of this, however, mattered as much as being with my family did! It was a trip of many “firsts,” for us all, notably the first time Derek collaborated with my dad for ministry!

 

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Ama being herself at breakfast one morning... "I'm cold!" was her excuse. ;)

 

Derek getting a lesson on how some of the local boys from Santiago get labor done

 

Ohhhh, the food! So good!

 

Letting one of the locals dress me up in traditional clothes

 

Getting closer to the valley sourounded by three active volcanoes! Beautiful.

 

 

Beautiful architechture all over this city!

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Ok, I can’t write too much about it because I’m not up for being teary eyed this morning… On another note, I loved seeing my sister interact with Derek as if he were her big brother (which she calls him), how my mom thought his jokes were so funny, how my dad asked for Derek’s opinion on some work, and how Derek asked for his advice on a ministry question. Derek let his guard down around my family, as they did also, which made for great times of bonding, and memories made. My heart is so full!

When your husband (or wife) is around your family, do you make it easy for them? I’ve been reading recently about cultivating deeper relationships and how it’s necessary to take the risk of being your true self in order for your core relationships to go beyond a surface level. Not only is this true for you, but it is also true for your honey. Derek needs to feel like he can be accepted for who he is, quirks and all, in my family. Your first thought might be, “Yeah well, what about ME?” Today, I am not talking about how you fit in with your husband’s family, while that is important too. This post is about what you are doing to either let your spouse know that he is safe with your family (goal) or that he better hit the mark every time for acceptance (false expectation.) Your family dynamics may be more complicated, and working through this may not be as easy for a number of different reasons. However, that does not change the fact that you can still help your husband/wife feel wanted, safe, and accepted. In our family time together last week, I was reminded of the following principles:

1)      Don’t set your spouse up for failure- If you’re constantly telling your husband/wife how to act when they are around your family and adding to your expectations list for them, they will fail every time. Your family knows both of you aren’t perfect, so who are you trying to fool? Allow room for error. I mean, a joke may cause an awkward moment at the dinner table one day... it’s OK!

2)      Spouse first, then family- Remember that after your relationship with Jesus, your spouse is your next priority. Keeping this in check will determine how you protect him/her, choosing to brag about their accomplishments, and all that good stuff. J It was hard for me at first to remember that Derek now came “before” my family. That’s part of the whole “leaving and cleaving” thing (Gen. 2:24). Yeah, remember that? In other words, your husband still exists when you’re around family! ;)

3)      Share the spotlight- Parents want to hear about what’s going on in their kid’s lives. Now that your honey is also a new son or daughter in the family, give them some room to shine too. J I love hearing my dad call Derek “my son” and Ama to call him her “big brother,” and for my mom to be so genuinely interested in what Derek is working on and accomplishing. If you get resentful or even jealous when your family shows interest in your spouse’s achievements, hobbies, work, etc., then that’s a red flag for some clean-up of the heart.

 

     Family loyalty, sincere love, and growing together are some of the core values rooted in our home as it relates to us and our families. Derek’s family is mine, and my family is Derek’s too. Don’t waste time holding grudges against in-laws, pointing out flaws, or complaining about what “they” aren’t doing. Take ownership of your own actions, create space for forgiveness and reconciliation, and move on towards keeping your families a top priority in your lives.

 Closing night of the event in which my dad preached and Derek closed the service in worship- in Spanish!

 

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family”- Anthony Brandt