"Anything you can do, I can do better" Syndrome

One of the biggest monsters to tackle in our personal lives as women, in my opinion, is the game of comparisons. She is tall, but I look better in heels. She can sing, but I have better taste in music. My house is small, that means I am more humble than the rest, and on and on with the comparison justifications. Why is it that men want to conquer things like financial success and to be respected by their wives, but we tend to be a bit more complicated in our aspirations? Sometimes the things that we position ourselves to compare to another woman’s are so meaningless too! I mean, does it really matter whether you can afford high end cosmetics over CoverGirl? So what, I like to be an easy, breezy, beautiful, Covergirl! Too often we let insecurities and negative comments feed our emotions to spiral out of control leading us into a mess of wanting to be seen as the BEST at more things than we were designed to do. Insecurity is an issue of the mind and heart, and a matter of not trusting God’s design in the woman (and wife!) he intends for you to be.  If the mom across the street is a master at cake decorating, I don’t have to become consumed with wanting to learn how to do it and be better at it. I don’t even like cake… When the young wife waves as she passes you on an evening run while pushing twins in her jogger stroller, you don’t have to swear to run faster than her next time. Do you even like to run?

Don’t get embarrassed, I’ve been there too. “If she does that, then I can too and I will do it BETTER!” This isn’t a thought about healthy competition because I am all game for that. Instead, I want to acknowledge that, yes, it can be hard to find our identity at times. It seems to be doubly challenging trying to find it as a wife. But, I want to challenge you to be active in putting away this game. No one really wants to play, and most of the time we are the only ones moving pieces on the board in this game to begin with! We can get so consumed with what others will think of our marriage on the outside and what people will say about our wifely qualifications that we waste precious time in living our lives not using the talents we already have to make a difference and move in God’s unique calling for us. The comparison game’s messy prize is never won because it’s never enough. Think about it: do you really feel like you’ve won an accolade for being “better” in your own comparisons? Get out your scissors and let’s cut a few things out right now, what do you say?

 

- I will snip away the comparison that I have to be great at several things to find value.

By doing this I am taking back a burden(s) that I have placed on my family, husband, ministry, etc., to keep up with my desire to ______________, and to be OK with me not being my true self. It was a burden I wasn’t intended to have or to put on anyone else.

-I will cut away the veil that keeps me from acknowledging and using the gifts God has already given me.

 I will use these gifts to well-serve those in my life and circle of influence, even if I played the comparison game with some of the very same people. “God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.” 1 Peter 4:10

-I will begin to clip away at the actions, thoughts, words, and desires that keep me from blossoming into the wife, mother, friend, daughter, ministry partner, teacher, employee, that I am created to be.

Confidence is beautiful… and your husband will find it sexy! ;)

What other comparisons and insecurities can we work on getting rid of, together?

We can do it, I believe in you. J

"If I Ever Get Married" List

              Once upon a time, I didn’t think I would get married for a verrry long time. For many reasons I was consumed with other parts of life, and finding a future husband just wasn’t on my radar. However, that didn’t stop me from having a “if I ever do get married” list with a few things like…

ü   “white boy”

ü   blue eyes

ü  genuinely and freely loves the Lord

ü  tall enough so that I could wear any size heel I want to…(a staple request on a tall girl’s list)

ü  For good measure, please let him be able to sing (I thought this was asking for TOO much!)

          While I had my list, I thought it would be by chance if I got even just a few of my wishes someday. It wasn’t until I read, “When God Writes Your Love Story,” that I really started to consider that the Lord might actually give me the desires of my heart when I pursued His heart for me first. Little did I know that the Lord knew what I wanted and needed before I could ever express it myself. In fact, He knew them better than I did, and orchestrated it all in a timing so perfect that changed the course of my life forever. I would never have chosen the circumstances that surrounded the timing myself, but the Lord knew I needed for it all to happen exactly the way it did for my heart to be in just the right place. J

         On my way home today from running an errand with a girlfriend, I was reminded about how God wrote my own love story. After I asked what her “type” was in a guy, I listened as my friend shared some of the things she considered important and wants one day too. As an encouragement to not worry or fret, I shared a little of what I wished for and how Derek came packaged with it all, AND more.

      “It’s amazing how God cares about even those little details, and how He already knows what is best for us.” Her words are true! I hoped, I wished, I crossed my fingers for it all, and the Lord had already checked it off His list for me. I can imagine Him listening to my prayers and looking down on me thinking, “My love, that is on my list for you too. Let me check this one box for you…”

ü Derek

     If you are single and discouraged, don’t lose hope. While fairytales and movies make it all seem to happen on an overnight whim, that is just not the case. I know this for sure, I promise. I didn't get to twirl around in a yellow gown with books galore surrounding me either.  A white wedding dress was better anyway! At least I didn't have to deal with a Gaston-ish guy! On a serious note...what you may think you want and need, might just not be what the Lord desires for you. I firmly believe that when we seek Him in everything and yearn to know His plan for our lives, that our desires become His desires. If you are engaged or married remember what you love about your spouse or soon-to-be and think back to it often. Give thanks for how your honey uniquely satisfies what you had on your “if I ever get married list,” and on the hard days, think about these things again and again.

     All of my requests weren't shallow, I promise. BUT, I did get my tall, handsome, blue-eyed, white boy… What came true for you? J

 

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 AMP

Resolved

We are four days into the New Year. How are your resolutions holding up? Pretty good so far, right? I’m feeling on top of things with my resolutions this early into the year too. :)

I once heard someone say that the reason she used the word “resolution” versus “goal” for some of the items on her New Year’s list was because she continually wanted to be working on them and not get to a place where checking something off meant never visiting it again- like an attitude change.
For 2012 and now this year, I have loved getting to add new things to work on under the “wife” category. (Lord help me to keep saying so!) Adding resolutions and goals to the lines for physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health have seemed to be a little easier. Maybe it's because working towards being the wife God created me to be doesn't only change me, but it empowers Derek to be the husband and man he was designed to become. Talk about a lot of "girl power!"

I have to confess that while I don't think I have crossed the boundary of becoming a "nagging wife," there is a thing or two I have tried to change for Derek more than once that I am sure he is weary hearing about. No compromise of morality, no major essential to argue about, just preferences that I can, honestly, let go. Well, this year I have resolved to shift the... let's call it what it is, NAGGING, focus onto issues that I can improve in my own life and let God do his work as Holy Spirit in my and Derek's lives. It is true, I am his wife and not the little voice in his head. That's a relief!

One of my mantra's this year is "I can!" based off of Phil. 4:13, "For I CAN do everything through Christ, who gives me strength."

*I can stop nagging before it starts... because Christ strengthens me!

*I can be the wife I am uniquely designed to be... because Christ strengthens me!

*I can build my marriage up... because Christ strengthens me!

Today I meditated on the two verses that precede this passage, "Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. (Philippians 4:11, 12 NLT)" Marriage is a choice, to love is a choice, and to be a better spouse is a choice that we have made or can make. Like these verses encourage us to do, I invite you to be resolved to be #1, content. Let's choose to be content with the decision we made to be in our marriage, no matter how the thought of it may be today. It can be a learned action! Secondly, "in good times and in bad, for better or worse" let us unlock the secret to living with everything or nothing, remembering the cheerfulness with which we promised to do so on our wedding day.

Today, I overheard negativity about the state of marriages and my heart was crushed. Not only does it discourage me as a young married, but it makes hope for lasting marriages seem grim. Marriage isn't easy but the effort put into yours is worth every tear shed and smile reaped. I hope we, wives, will resolve to pray and be faithfully committed to our husband and marriage in 2013 and every year that we get to enjoy our days with our handsome lovers... because Christ gives us the strength to!


Happy New Year, sweetie! :)