It's a New Season

“Hello, autumn… I’ve been waiting for you!”

            I can’t believe today is the last day of August! I don’t remember saying “good-bye” to the past seven months? Anyway, I love this time of year. Here in Florida, it is kind of hard to believe that a season change is coming up when it’s still so hot outside. It takes a BIG imagination to forget it won’t be cold until probably December. Grrr.  (I really hope I get to wear my coat this year.)Technically, the first “official” day of fall isn’t until September 22, but I missed that memo and put up all my decorations this week. I feel so much better now. :)

            I’ve noticed a few of you are doing the same or thinking of doing away with the summer "stuff" soon too. So, as an encouragement, here are a few simple changes that I love to make  during this time of year that you can very easily do too.

            Ashley,  who is a friend of mine and fellow blogger over at Love Always, Ashley, got me hooked on one of her personal favorite sites, A Beautiful Mess. This blog has the cutest DIY ideas in several different categories. I am not much of a crafter, but I do enjoy “assisted creativity.” I found an easy DIY idea to make a wreath for the fall, so I gave it a try. I am excited that I actually started AND finished this craft. Sadly, I can't say the same about my attempt to crochet. Fortunately, my wreath turned out so much cuter than I thought it would. My neighbors now have something pretty to look at too! All you need is a wire hanger, strips of different color/texture/patterned cloth, and some ribbon to make a bow and hang. Tell me that is not easy? This is definitely a project that could be done as a group. *hint, hint* Here's mine:

I just love being a girl… and wife!

            Another easy way to jazz up your home for the fall is to get some new candles or oils to warm up for the season. Bath & Body Works is having a sale coming up this weekend, so be sure to capitalize on that. Don't forget to sign up for their e-mails too, they send great coupons. I am testing out their “Autumn” home oil scent and two mini candles: Lavender Vanilla and Cinnamon Covered Donut. My home smells delicious! As a kind reminder, be careful with the different scents you have going on at the same time. It's fun to experiment with mixing them and some combinations are perfect, but others are just a disaster! Your husband will thank me for that one. ;)

            Aside from the tangible ways to welcome a new season, we can’t forget about spiritual season changes too. While I packed away my summer décor, I meditated on Ecclesiastes 3:1-8:

“There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.”

            When you get a chance to have some quiet time today, I encourage you to open your Bible and think on this passage as well. I know you’ve got a girly pen or pencil sitting around somewhere, so bring that to your one-on-one session with God too. As you read through it yourself be sure to highlight, circle, and jot down thoughts or even notes for the words/phrases that stick out to you most. I’m sure God won’t care if you use green or pink ink either. :)

 As I was reading through the “seasons” in the text, I could vividly recall specific examples for some of these in my life. It was a little painful to be reminded of the times where I’ve “mourned, torn down, and been silent.” But, thank the Lord that He brought me through to new seasons where I could “laugh, dance, love, and have peace.” I have gone through some crazy roller coaster changes in my young life too, and at times I felt like the winter days were never going to pass. I am so thankful that I held on to Jesus instead of running the other way because now that I am in my spring and summer times of life, I can remember His faithfulness and the joy that He brought me in the morning. (Ps. 30:5)

           What season of life are you currently in? What about your marriage? There is a book called The Four Seasons of Marriage by Gary Chapman that goes into more detail about this question.

Remember what Romans 5:3-4 says? “…We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope.” In your difficult seasons while you’re waiting for the flowers and sun to come out, keep on in your perseverance. The hard times will pass. When you are in the blooming and seashore fun seasons of life, remember to thank God for those blessings. In all seasons, stay close to Him. He’ll be there with you through them all.

            I’m glad you could be renewed by thinking through this passage with me. Now, get on with making your fall crafts and treats! In my opinion, it’s not too early. :)

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:2

“For you make me glad by your deeds, Lord;
I sing for joy at what your hands have done.” Psalm 92:4 

P.s. To see my full post on my “seasonal change” thoughts, be sure to check on the Derek Janney Band blog soon!

"A spoon full of sugar helps the..."

               I rarely make desserts. My “from scratch” credentials are as follows: one successful key lime pie and a chocolate chip pie. I think part of the reason why I don’t necessarily enjoy baking sweets has to do with the fact that I didn’t grow up “needing” or having desserts after our meals at home-thanks for taking care of me, Mom! The other part of the dilemma is that I already have trouble taming my sweet tooth. I’m healthy and I love whole food eating, but I’ve got a weakness for chocolate. Forget diamonds, chocolate is my best friend! Additionally, I don’t like to clean up the gooey messes and half the time I can’t follow recipes the right way. Hmmm…

                Well, last night at our weekly “Janney family dinner,” my sister-in-law, Brooke, told me about a blog she knew of that had recipes for healthy desserts. Those two words probably don’t make sense together, but that’s definitely my kind of sweet treat! I browsed through, Chocolate Covered Katie, this morning while I was getting ready for class and glorious pictures popped up of Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Balls. Peanut butter is one of my favorite things to eat and to have it paired with chocolate- oh my! I skimmed  through the ingredients and everything I would need was already in my pantry. Double plus.

                I substituted some of the components to make it healthy to my liking, and I’m selfishly hoping to get a "thumbs up" from Derek about them later tonight… that is if I can get him to taste one! Still working on him and the health thing... If I can handle making this recipe, you definitely can. You may even get a little “sugar” from your honey tonight for going the extra mile to make these sweets. Oh la la!

              The website has tons of vegan and no-bake options too. Let's see how many of these healthy recipes I can get away with before Derek starts noticing... I hope he's not reading.

             So, while I may not have original dessert recipes to share (yet, anyways) I'll be sure to point your cute little wife self to some great places where you can find them. I mean, I've got such a cute apron, I NEED excuses to wear it more than I have to! :) Here’s how my experimentation with these healthy "yums" turned out for me:

Voila!

You can view the original recipe here. I’ve added my edited version below with the changes I made to the ingredients.

• 1/2 cup organic rolled oats (I bet muesli would taste incredible too!)
• 1/2 cup peanut butter (I used ¼ cup of natural ground peanut butter to satisfy how I like PB and ¼ of Jiff, so Derek would give them a try)
• 3-4 drops of local honey
• Pinch of salt (I didn't have a 1/8 measuring spoon :( )
• 1 tbsp vanilla 4Life protein powder (can you imagine how delish this will be after a workout?!)
• 1 tsp of coconut oil (To add a little moisture)
• chocolate chips!

I combined all the ingredients by hand (make sure you wash them well before diving in!) and rolled the mix into tiny balls. Tiny desserts are just not fair, they make you want them even more. Right? Since I like peanut butter cold, I put them in a bowl and slid them into the fridge. It's taking everything in me to not pull them out and eat the rest of them as I write about their cuteness. Ahhh.

Send me your pictures of how your attempts turn out, and let me know what you decided to replace in the ingredients to make it uniquely yours. J

 

 

 My sister-in-law, Denille, gave me this super cute apron as a gift before I got married. 

With my new initials too.:)

 

Pew Thoughts 8.26.12 (and a little something extra!)

Romans 2:17-3:20

                This morning, my Pastor finished part two of the “Fatal Flaws of Religion” message in our series, When in Rome. It’s been convicting for me to read through Romans 2-3 and listen to Pastor Dave break down what Paul wrote about we who judge others. It breaks my heart when people assume the worst in us when we acknowledge  that we are Christians, but at the same time the majority of us tend to make it hard for the world to believe there is a God if they’re basing it on how we live out His testimony. It’s easy to turn our noses upward because we think our denomination is superior, because we use the “correct and only acceptable” Bible translation, because we are involved in too many ministries to count, or because we don’t look like them. Paul reminds us that we are no better than the ones we judge!

 

 

                Tom Schultz recently wrote an article on his blog, Holy Soup, entitled “Why People Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore.” He went to the streets and asked people why they weren’t in church and then compiled the top reasons in this article into four recurring themes. Guess what #1 was… “Church people judge me.” Ouch…

I was reminded today that I was not asked to appoint myself to the position of passing judgment on others in my church or world, nor is it my responsibility to try and be the Holy Spirit in other people's lives. I need to worry about myself and how I’m going to fix my own issues. In the last week, I can recall at least two times where I either said something that definitely was judgmental about someone else or I listened to someone make “just a comment.” It was wrong, no excuse about it. A good indication that you should stop listening if a statement is preceded by any of the following statements: "Don't repeat this," "I shouldn't say this but," "Can you believe he/she would," or "Bless her/his heart but..." I know you know of plenty more because we are all guilty of having used some. When I think about the judgments that others have passed against me in the last few years for reasons beyond my control, I cringe. But, in that same fashion when I think about how easily I can pass judgment I have to acknowledge what Paul says. I am a sinner mercifully saved by grace!

Pastor reminded us that religion and getting caught up in the “law” can encourage hypocrisy and can lead me to focus more on the offenses of the law instead of grace. “When Christians fail to practice what they preach the world says, ‘If they live that way then their God must not be real.’” Even as wives and husbands we can learn a lot from Paul's writings. I have to humble myself and ask God to reveal to me how I am judging my own husband. Could it be that I think of myself better than Derek and allow that view to dictate how I treat him? Have I judged Derek unfairly without considering that "there could be more to what I'm seeing?" Marriages aren't immue to the sin of passing unfair judgment. I'm sure you know that as well as I do.

 

One question for reflection from Pastor’s handout: would you agree that there is little difference before God between religious idolatry and worldly immorality?

**Here's the extra** I’m including a video I recently saw on YouTube of a sketch that LifeChurch.tv did, “Interview with Satan on his views about the Church.” It is humorous, but very convicting. Kind of scary to consider that what the actor in the video says speaks a lot of truth into how we as Christians act even within the church. Watch it and think.

 

 

What we worshipped to today:

"Our God"- Chris Tomlin

"How Great is Your Faithfulness"- Matt Redman

"I Want to Be Used by You"- Deluge Band

 

 

Lessons From the First Week of School...

Lessons I’ve Learned in the First Week of School that Apply to Marriage

 

                Go, Knights!

     I haven’t been a full-time student in a while because of having to work, getting married, and other life happenings. My “plan” would have already had the check box marked of graduated by now, but I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s OK I haven't finished yet like I thought and I can’t be competing with anyone. *Constant reminder* So, I’m back in serious action. My first week has been interesting to say the least, but I survived my first day at UCF. For you non-Floridians, the University of Central Florida is ginormous and has the second largest student population in the nation. While the campus is beautiful and there is a lot of opportunity at this research based school, this number of students and too many buildings is a recipe for disaster when I'm included. Sadly, I have to admit that I sat through an entire hour of a class that wasn’t even mine. I’ll end my first day tragedies there. Sigh, I’m not even a freshman.

    On the plus side, I ran into a few people that I haven’t seen in a few years. How that happened in the sea of people, I do not know. While I got prepped the night before and during the first day of class, I made some observations as a student that relate to me as a Young Married:

1.       Show up- Just like I have to be present in class to get necessary information, I need to “show up” in my marriage. I can’t expect to coast on cruise control and magically hope my marriage will arrive at our desired destination. Additionally, in the same fashion that the professor doesn’t carry my workload for me, I can’t expect Derek to take on the responsibilities and success of our marriage alone when this is a three person union: God, Derek, and me.

 

2.       Make time for studying and learning- I can’t give up on being a student of my husband. The day I fail to do this is the day that I have to “cram” for the test when it’s already too late. With time and applied focus, I’ll gain sound knowledge on the “subject” (Derek) and be happy with the outcome. J

3.       Prioritize- If I don’t have my priorities in order, I won’t do well in school. Likewise, it can be too easy to let my marriage fall last in importance if I don’t establish where it belongs upfront. This semester my priorities look something like this: #1 My relationship with Jesus, #2 My relationship with Derek and our marriage, #3 Focusing on school and being a student. I have my others ones and for this semester being a student got bumped up to third. The first two should never change for me.

 

4.       Plan- If I don’t have an idea or a plan of where I want to go in my academic career, I will end up spending more money on tuition than necessary and aimlessly take classes for the sake of meeting requirements. I’ve, unfortunately, had to learn some of this the hard way. In our marriages if we don’t dream together, set family goals, and have aspirations for the future we will start to find that we feel like our marriages have no purpose. If I can make the time to plan for a career then I want my and Derek’s marriage to have a mission too!

5.       I don’t know it all- Obviously, the professors I’m learning from are teaching me the material because I don’t know it. In marriage, I don’t have all the answers and never will. Experience will give me insight and knowledge to share with others, but in stages that I haven’t yet reached I need to listen and ask for help. As a student, pride can be my worst enemy. In marriage, pride will make me fall. (Proverbs 16:18)

 

      I hope that I keep these “student lessons” in mind this semester, and for a lifetime in my marriage. I probably should have added time management up there too because heaven knows I need all the time I can get to finish projects and get work done. I hope to balance being a wife and student better this year than I have in the past. I would love Derek’s report card to have straight A’s for me in the subject of WIFE… A girl can dream can’t she!?

                         P.S. Can I raid your closet to look this cute for school?!

 

Pew Thoughts 8.19.12

                My favorite time of day is right before the sun rises and all that you can see is a glow across the horizon. I get a thrill when I can be up before the sun beats me to it. At this hour, the city still seems to be asleep and all movement appears to quietly move along, waiting for the sun’s “ok” to begin the noise for the day. Cars zoom by but not a honk is heard, and birds wait to sing their morning songs. I got ready for church earlier than usual this morning and had time to sneak outside and wait for the sun to appear. So beautiful! I was reminded of Hillsong’s song, “You’ll Come” which brought to memory God’s promise in Hosea 6:3,

                                                             “…As surely as the sun rises,
                                                                         he will appear;
                                                     he will come to us like the winter rains,
                                                    like the spring rains that water the earth.”

     Thank you, Lord, for a tangible reminder of this verse in a sunrise.

                This wasn’t the only teaching that I had to be reminded of today. My Pastor continued his series, When in Rome, today with a message titled “The Fatal Flaws of Religion.” The Scripture portion came from Romans 2:1-11. Be ready to have a reality check when you read it. Paul’s words remind me that I cannot judge others and expect God to show favoritism towards me in all of my wrong doings. In these verses, Paul exposes our “self-righteous hypocrisy” (word my pastor used) and boldy tells me that I am just as bad as those that I condemn. My pastor made the point to remind me and the congregation that regardless of the type of sin, I am a sinner saved by God’s grace. Sure, the people that I so easily judge and condemn may engage in a different type of sin, but I still sin too and am subject to God’s judgment also.

                Pastor Dave reminded me…

-          As I freely decide to judge others, I am exposed to God’s freedom to judge me too. (vs. 3) Ouch!

-          Most of the time what I criticize and point out in others is a reflection of the same sin I commit.

-          Use myself as an example if I want to expose and talk about sins before I bring someone else’s name into it. (He shared a few of his own examples and I appreciated that transparency!)

-          I cannot rename the sins that I commit when they are the same as another’s. Example, “He/She lies and cheats, but I just exaggerate sometimes.”

-          God’s kindness is meant to lead me to repentance (vs. 4) yet I want to hurry up and help God make His decision on how to punish others but want Him to take his time on me when I’ve made a mistake.

-          Why do I feel the need to express why others got what they did as a consequence of sin? Example: that girl/guy deserved those STD’s and heartache for how much they slept and meddled around with others… *Man, I could cry thinking of the times I’ve made the same or similar accusations.*

With each convicting reminder, I thanked God for having mercy on me to not strike me dead or expose me for all the times I’ve gossiped, been jealous of another girl, or disrespected my husband or someone in authority. My list of sins is much longer and sometimes I can also be self-righteous in thinking that compared to others, my mistakes are just “not that bad.” Forgive me, Lord.

        You and I are not responsible for the judgment of other’s sins. God will take care of it. (Romans 12:19) It’s so hard sometimes for me to sit back and not worry about what I think other people should get for their sins, but when I think about all that I  deserve  and the mercy that has spared me from it, I thank God that he too gives grace and mercy to all.              

         We all have a choice, like my pastor shared, and we all have to live with the consequence of our choices. Should we choose to judge, we will also face the consequence of that decision one day. (Romans 2:6) If we think about God exposing all of our sins in public, it’s a serious reminder that we are not that different from what we consider “the worst of sinners.” Let’s stop playing the games, and grow more in the power of love, grace, and mercy. I have to pray frequently for God to help me release the control that I want to hold on to for judgment I think that specific people deserve. Have I been hurt terribly because of sin in the last few years? Yes, more than you can imagine. But, have I hurt those same people and others too in the same way? No doubt. I pray that God will continually convict me and help me to replace thoughts of vengeance with His Word and Truth. So, what fatal flaw of religion does this all boil down to? It's the one that makes me think that just because I'm a "church going Christian" that I have to right to take judgment and sentencing of sins into my own hands while acting like I have a hall pass from God to forget my own.

         After reading these verses in Romans, write and think about what God is trying to teach you. Have you tried to take judgment into your own hands? How's that worked out for you? Do you need to change your way of thinking and ask someone for forgiveness this week?

                           What we worshipped to today:

                          

                “Always”- Kirk Franklin

                “To Deserve”- Jonathan Stockstill

“Here I Am to Worship”- Matt Redman

Tale of the Bank Account That Survived a Wedding

                In an article published by USA Today earlier this month, it was mentioned that the average couple spends an estimated $26,989 for their wedding. *GASP* Reading that figure gives me heart palpitations. In my opinion, that is too much!  

Yes, your wedding is one of the most glorious days of your life and I’m all for having that day to turn out spectacular but unless you’re having a debt-free wedding and can pay that amount without breaking a sweat, then I would suggest looking at plans B-Z. We had a “wedding on a dime” by today’s standards and I lived to tell about it. J I wasn’t your conventional bride and would have been just as happy to have eloped away to a far-away beach somewhere exotic. But, we didn’t and I’m still so pleased with how our special day turned out.

 Planning a wedding is exhausting all around: physically, mentally, emotionally, and definitely financially. One of the biggest things that couples argue about is over financial decisions and we did not want our wedding to be a contention point any more than it had to be. With our budget amount set in stone and a disposition to make it work, we planned a wedding for under $5,000. You can too if you want/need to! Was it hard for me to not want to splurge on all the cute trinkets and fun wedding items I saw at bridal shows? OF COURSE! But, we had priorities to guide us and they kept us in line. Here’s some of what made having a tiny wedding budget be easy for us to manage:

1.       We didn’t want to get in debt for a wedding

2.       We chose our “splurge” to be on the honeymoon (we were advised to splurge on at least one thing if we could)

3.       We weren’t trying to impress the Jones’ or anyone else for that matter

 Weddings involve way too many details to remember and most of the time your guests will recall very little of what you poured your heart into for months on end. I mean, do enjoy the planning process and have the wedding of your dreams, but do it for you and your hubby and not to others’ expectations. For us, it was more important to focus on having people we loved at the wedding than having the fanciest adornments. Make your priorities count. Our colors were gray and yellow, but that’s not what I will remember or care about 20 years from now…. It sure was cute though! : )

The following are a few tips on how we saved mega bucks in areas that blow the budget in most weddings:

My dress: I did have my fun going to a few bridal dress shops and tried on dozens of glorious gowns. I fell in love with a few that were in the high 4 digit range but I knew those weren’t going to find their way into my closet. So instead of pouting and getting discouraged, I looked into some alternative options. Here in Orlando, I couldn’t find any place that would rent dresses anymore. Apparently, they were losing more money on cleaning and repairing them than profiting. Next plan was… to buy a used dress. And, I did. For several weeks I closely monitored Craig’s List, hopeful to have an “Aha!” moment in finding a dress. I e-mailed a new wife who was moving and wanted to sell her dress. By her description and picture, the gown seemed perfect. The only downside I noticed was that the bride said she was 5’2”. I thought I would give it a look anyways even though I knew I would need at least another 6” to magically appear. Well, two trips later I left with a dress that I was smiling about and with a price tag that made my budget happy. $150… yup! Not to mention, the dress fit like a glove with no alterations needed! Was that perfect or what?

Cash Flow $$$: We follow Dave Ramsey’s “Total Money Makeover” principles and one thing he talks about is the power of cash. Let me tell you, it’s true! With any vendor that we had to buy something from, when we mentioned we would pay with cash they were all more open to negotiating their prices. For example, our florist shaved off $250 just because we had the cash on hand. When you are counting every penny, this makes a big difference. In as much as you can, use cash to pay and work it to your advantage! Dave Ramsey would be proud.

Food: Because we invited our entire church, it was not an option to have a full course meal. We decided to have a 2pm wedding which meant we could get away with not having to serve lunch or dinner. Instead, we had a few items for guests to snack on and a cookie bar  for a unique touch. This format gave everyone a chance to mingle freely without being confined to a table, and was overall minimal in hassle. I also considered a dessert reception, which might be an option you may like. Don’t think having a full meal is the only way to go!

Exhaust your resources: To plan a tight budgeted wedding you can’t be embarrassed to ask for help. If you know someone or have a friend that has talents and resources that you will need, ask them to either give you a pretty discount or to give you their service as a gift versus getting you something else. We were so privileged to have our ceremony music, cake, flower arrangements, cookies for the cookie bar, and so much more be donated “gifts” which saved us hundreds of bucks! Not to mention, it all turned out better than I could have hoped for. I dragged my feet a lot on getting things checked off my list so luckily one of my sister-in-laws, Diana, pretty much did it all for me. I couldn’t have planned nor had everything ready without her! For me, I just wanted to get married and not worry about details. She made my save-the-dates too by designing and getting them printed. All I had to do was buy paper to print them on. That’s another money saving option too!

Favors: My opinion is that if you absolutely don’t want them, then don’t do it. Wedding etiquette is sweet but if you followed all the rules by the book I promise you’ll spend waaaay more than you want to. This was one of the areas that we kept to a bare minimum. Don’t break the bank on favors that get thrown away shortly after your “I do.”

Transportation: Derek has a Harley Davidson motorcycle on which I wanted to have fun and go away on it after our reception. Unfortunately, rain decided to bless, err fall, and we had to have a back-up plan. So, we asked a close family friend to drive us away (after a short motorcycle spin) in his gorgeous Mercedes Benz. All for the cost of $0.00 and just a gift of gratitude.

Officiants:  Both of our dads are pastors and we wanted each to have a special part in the ceremony. This, honestly, was my favorite part of the entire ceremony after the “I do’s!” Of course, there was no cost but think hard before you just ask and pay anyone. You may just remember an old pastor or friend that is able to legally perform your ceremony for no to little cost.

Hair: I didn’t go to the fanciest salon, but instead went to my mom’s hairdresser. She was more than excited to do this for me and made the experience so memorable. Her costs were minimal. Do you have friends who can help you out?

Make-up: I took care of it myself with good ol’ Covergirl and a few other basic essentials. Guess what? Derek didn’t know the difference and thought I was the most beautiful I could have been on that day. No one else’s opinion would have mattered to me anyways! Don’t feel like you have to have your face cost $1,000 on your wedding day.

Other random money savings we encountered:

Ordered my headband on the handmade goods website, Etsy

Veil and tons of simple needs were found at a great price at Hobby Lobby (no one cared or noticed)

Cute yellow flower girl dresses were from Target

Flowers for arrangements, bouquets, corsages, and boutonnieres were either in season or not expensive. Instead of rose petals to toss, we used daisy petals. And, I was not embarrassed to have carnations because I love them!

We had extra to spend on gifts for all involved because we saved so much in everything else

Wedding location was at our church

I wanted Derek to wear a grey suit instead of a black tux. Suits can be a cost effective option!

3 tips from Derek for honeymoon savings:

Don’t forget to use your frequent flyer points to help with airfare costs

Try to use cash to pay for excursions. We got discounts!

Eat local. The food is usually better and less expensive, and it’s a memorable way to explore wherever you go!

If I had to change anything, I would have hired a professional photographer and videographer. Trying to save too much in this area didn’t work to our advantage in the end, but I still do not regret how anything in all the other areas was done and I have the best memories of our wedding day to think about for many years to come! If you’re thinking of getting married or are already planning your Big Day, I hope you’ll have the wedding of your dreams whatever your (debt-free) cost comes out to be.

Good Luck!

Reading ring engravings for the first time during ceremony!

Have your DATE NIGHT planned?

*Get your calendars out, it's time to schedule date night!*

               Derek and I chose Friday evenings as our scheduled “date night.” Since Friday is tomorrow, I wondered how you spend date time with your love? If you don't do or know what date nights are, let me help you understand. A date night is time you set aside to be intentionally “present” with your honey. Some couples like to have date nights at romantic restaurants, and others are just as happy with a stroll in the park. (I'll take both please!)The point is to set time aside to connect with your husband/wife. One of my favorite parts about having a date night is that we can be as creative as we want! It’s easy to think, “Well, I talk to my spouse every day. We discuss kids, the budget, church, ministry work, my job, and all this stuff. Why would I need a date night?” Park it right there! While all the mentioned topics are definitely important, they have their place and time. I know that when Derek and I talk about budgeting, while it is one of his strong points, it’s not the most fun for me. In other words, I don’t consider it a “date.” For the “business” meetings in our marriage we have what we decided to call TOMs. It’s a shorter way for us to say, “to go over month.” In these meetings, we do work. On date nights, I want to focus on learning more about Derek, dream together, have fun on a new activity, try a new restaurant, explore something new about our city, or just take a walk through downtown.

 I looked up the word “date” in the dictionary and this is my favorite meaning, "the time or period to which any event or thing belongs…” Derek belongs to ME every day, but on purpose, Friday nights. :) Spending time together on purpose is a great way to grow your relationship with your sweetie. With the busyness of work, school, kids, ministry, sports, and all the other happenings that fill our calendars, we sometimes can’t see that our honey is squished underneath waiting their turn for attention. I say that date night is “permanent marker worthy" because I don’t just want to “pencil” time in with Derek. Likewise, I don’t want to be an erasable marking on Derek’s agenda. Yes, of course, there are times that we have to re-schedule but having it as a constant priority makes it easier to not let other committments getting in the way become a frequent habit.

Don’t worry about living up to what your friends are doing on date night because you’ll be miserable and your wallet will most likely suffer. Ask for suggestions when needed, but have a blast coming up with your own plans too. For some couples the man is always in charge of planning, but I try to lighten the work for Derek and plan some myself. Of course, the ones I plan are more to my liking…hehe. If you don’t have time, make some. Want to connect with other couples? Plan a group date. There are countless ways to enjoy time with your mate, the important thing is to do it!

If you’ve been having date nights consistently but are getting in a rut on what to do, ask around for new ideas. We’re going to Northland Church tomorrow for a comedy night that the church is hosting. I get a hot date, and the event is free! Who said you always have to spend money to have a great time? For me, it’s important that I be intentional. Sometimes, especially after a hard work week, we’re happy to just stay home and watch an episode of our favorite TV show. Other times, I want to get dolled up and go out! I try to frequently look for events and new things for us to try locally. Here are some dates/events to look up and resources that I love for planning date nights:

               - Some of the larger churches in the area host many great events throughout the year. Northland Church in Longwood has an excellent calendar line up for this fall, including having Phil Wickham in concert! Also, First Baptist Orlando will have Spanish Christian artist, Jesus Adrian Romero on Sept. 28^th. Check out their websites for more events and details: Northland Church Calendar, First Baptist Calendar

            - I married a sports enthusiast and we happen to have both graduated from the same high school. That means we catch our alma mater’s sporting events quite frequently. Check for sporting events coming to your local arena, or hang out and cheer on a local high school's teams.

           -We have a neat local theatre that hosts a number of upcoming and famed artists. Look at the calendar: http://www.plazaliveorlando.com/

          - I enjoy theatre and happen to know that Beauty and the Beast is coming to the Bob Carr in October! yay! Don't forget to also check out The Mad Cow, Orlando Shakespeare Theatre, WinterPark Playhouse, Enzian Theatre (movies), and Orlando Repertory Theatre for great shows and talent!

        - Visit the Winter Park Farmer's Market every Saturday from 7am-1pm and pick up fresh goodies for a dinner to cook together. WP Farmer's Market.

        - Drive a little way to one of the last exisiting Florida drive-in movie lots: Silvermoon Drive-In Lakeland

       - Tons of great ideas for all budgets on this site: Great Dates Orlando and don't forget to check your city's calendar, you might find something fun! Downtown Orlando

       - One of my new favorite coffee shops is The Drunken Monkey, Try it!
  
       - Check into your local $1 theatre days or rent a RedBox

       - Research restaurants and parks that host jazz nights. Crane's Roost Park in Altamonte has one. (I have this on my list to visit.)

      - Train for something together! Derek and I did the Couch to 5k running program together last year and then ran the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day. We plan to do it again and I plan on beating his time. :)
     
       - Bring out the cards and have some healthy competition between each other, or get the board games and invite your friends over! Guys vs. Girls, anyone?

       - Have a themed night. Say you choose Italian, then whip up your best pasta dish and dine by candlelight with music in the background. How romantic!

      - Come up with some questions (or look a few up) and see what new info you learn about your lover... I do this!
     
      - Don't go anywhere, don't turn the TV on, or have any media distractions... See what happens... ;)
    

Now that you've read this, you are offically responsible to take your hubs/wife out. Ohhh, don't pout! Take the same pen that you'll use to put it on your calendar (or not, and go out right now in spontaneous fashion!) and use it to sign here X______________________... You are now committed to "dating" your spouse over and over again! It just takes a little effort and thought and you'll be on your way to being a date night genius. Enjoy!

Conflict Resolution... Does it Matter?

 + husband/wife = trouble!

                Confronting and resolving conflict in marriage can be one of the hardest things to do! If you’re like me then you agree. Although I was blessed to have grown up in a home where my parents were careful of how they disagreed around me and I never doubted their respect for each other, it’s been one of the hardest parts of marriage for me to overcome. For some couples, their report card reads “A+ in Conflict Resolution” and for others it’s a war zone too often. My tendency is to not argue well, to cut him off in mid-sentence to make my point, and to use guilt to my advantage sometimes. Poor Derek! I definitely don’t err on the side of being “quick to listen or slow to speak.” (James 1:19) Isn’t that a sad wife admission?  We’re being honest here though, right? So, it’s true but I've improved MUCH and I choose to work hard for progress in this area.

              When I saw the hurt I was causing Derek too often with my tone and words, I could not handle knowing I was the one defeating him like that. I started to notice that I was handling arguments better with people outside of my marriage than with my spouse- that had to change quick! You know what I mean, sharing "I'm sorry" freely towards others and then choosing when I wanted to say it to Derek.We took an extremely long assessment test during our pre-marital counseling that asked every question under the sun. One of the test's purposes was to see what areas in our (future) marriage would be strengths and which would be weaknesses. It was kind of scary because we had to take and submit the test separately and then come to the analysis meeting without knowing what the other answered. We got married, so you know we survived that day!

                Well, conflict resolution was a "weakness area." I never thought about fighting fair before I got married. I had two extremes: brush it off or go Gladiator intense in an argument. Talking it out, taking space, sharing feelings? What was that!? I mean think about it, for 26 years Derek had his own way of dealing with conflict and for 21 years I did the same. Then, you put us to live together after a disagreement and expect us to figure it out nicely? God must get a kick out of us YoungMarrieds, I’m convinced… Thank God for forgiveness and grace because we’ve come a long way! In an article by Mary Yerkes for Focus on the Family, the following was said about conflict:

“Conflict is inevitable. No relationship is immune. When managed biblically, conflict can serve as a catalyst for change and an opportunity for spiritual and relational growth.”

This is so true! I wish I could have seen conflict like this from the start. Like I’ve mentioned before, if you’ve decided that your marriage is worth fighting for (no pun intended) then this is an area that needs careful and gentle attention pronto.

                The ignore-it-and-move on, fight to the death to be “right”, suppressing till one person explodes, approaches don’t work most of the time like we think they should or would in a marriage. My “winning team” consists of God, Derek, and me. If I let society tell me how to disagree with my husband, then I might as well reign as queen. To “fight fair” takes work and for the sake of a healthy and thriving marriage, I urge you to work on it too! I leave you with a few tips (no specific order) that I’ve figured out, heard, learned, or read along the way that have saved me from further arguing regrets and have helped make us stronger when the disagreements come, because they do/will!

G’s Conflict Resolution Reminders:

·         “Just because it’s in my head doesn’t mean it needs to be said.”

·         If I’m not sure something bothers me, wait to bring it up. Most of the time I thank myself later for not making a big deal out of something silly.

·         Look at the plank in my own eye first before the speck in Derek’s. (Matthew 7:3)

·         Give him the benefit of the doubt/ assume he has good intentions first. (Love & Respect devotional book)

·         Using fighting phrases like “You never/always/don't” are lethal most of the time

·         Recommend to try “When you say/do _____________, it makes me feel ___________.”

·         Would I talk to someone else like this?

·         Derek has feelings too!

·         Am I coming across as disrespectful right now?

·         PRAY!

·         Sometimes, there is no “win” in an argument.

·         It’s OK to agree to disagree in some things

·         It’s kind of hard to be mean when I’m holding Derek’s hand or touching him during an argument. (Something I read in a Focus on the Family article one time. It really works for me!)

·         Taking space and coming back to settle a disagreement is wise most of the time.

·        Commandment: I shalt not roll my eyes, make smacking noises with my mouth, huff and puff, get up and leave him talking, hang up a phone call before “goodbye”, or carry on the argument through text messages/e-mail when upset (Guilty as charged on multiple counts before…L)

·         Am I making Derek want to live alone? Proverbs 21:19, “It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.”

·         Choose to remember that my love should be patient, kind, hopeful, enduring, and full of faith- not proud, demanding, record keeping, or unjust. (1 Corinthians 13)

            I want my husband to feel safe when he needs to correct me or disagree on something, but if I’m always trying to be right, instigate a fight, or be defensive he’s never going to be able to trust this desire in my heart. If you’re struggling with conflict resolution in your marriage, please create a game plan on how you’ll work towards “fighting fair.” It’s never too late to start and don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. If your marriage is solid in this area already, then extend advice and encouragement to another family who needs it! This doesn't mean you have all the answers. Don’t look down or envy another couple’s marriage that doesn’t meet your standards- each one is different and conflict resolution tactics are too.

Let’s build marriages up together!