His, Mine, Our... Family

Waterfall on our way down to Atitlan, Guatemala

 

      It has been a hard transition getting back into “normal” life for me after having spent a few days away in Antigua, Guatemala, with Derek and my family. Besides the fact that I am not a creature of habit and didn’t care much to come back to my weekly routines, I really miss waking up and knowing I would be spending the day with Derek, my parents, and sister. With them living in another city now, Miami seems forever away on most days. :/

     Finally, I am getting around to uploading a few pictures and adding a blurb or two. This trip was 1) a much needed Moya family vacation and 2) the first time we have vacationed with my family as a married couple. 

     Antigua was absolutely beautiful! So much of the Mayan history and culture is still engrained in the native's lives, the food is delicious, and the sightseeing was breath taking. We saw volcanoes, antiquated buildings, heard the typical marimba music in the city square, ate more frijoles than we should have, and sipped on delicious coffee straight from their land…None of this, however, mattered as much as being with my family did! It was a trip of many “firsts,” for us all, notably the first time Derek collaborated with my dad for ministry!

 

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Ama being herself at breakfast one morning... "I'm cold!" was her excuse. ;)

 

Derek getting a lesson on how some of the local boys from Santiago get labor done

 

Ohhhh, the food! So good!

 

Letting one of the locals dress me up in traditional clothes

 

Getting closer to the valley sourounded by three active volcanoes! Beautiful.

 

 

Beautiful architechture all over this city!

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Ok, I can’t write too much about it because I’m not up for being teary eyed this morning… On another note, I loved seeing my sister interact with Derek as if he were her big brother (which she calls him), how my mom thought his jokes were so funny, how my dad asked for Derek’s opinion on some work, and how Derek asked for his advice on a ministry question. Derek let his guard down around my family, as they did also, which made for great times of bonding, and memories made. My heart is so full!

When your husband (or wife) is around your family, do you make it easy for them? I’ve been reading recently about cultivating deeper relationships and how it’s necessary to take the risk of being your true self in order for your core relationships to go beyond a surface level. Not only is this true for you, but it is also true for your honey. Derek needs to feel like he can be accepted for who he is, quirks and all, in my family. Your first thought might be, “Yeah well, what about ME?” Today, I am not talking about how you fit in with your husband’s family, while that is important too. This post is about what you are doing to either let your spouse know that he is safe with your family (goal) or that he better hit the mark every time for acceptance (false expectation.) Your family dynamics may be more complicated, and working through this may not be as easy for a number of different reasons. However, that does not change the fact that you can still help your husband/wife feel wanted, safe, and accepted. In our family time together last week, I was reminded of the following principles:

1)      Don’t set your spouse up for failure- If you’re constantly telling your husband/wife how to act when they are around your family and adding to your expectations list for them, they will fail every time. Your family knows both of you aren’t perfect, so who are you trying to fool? Allow room for error. I mean, a joke may cause an awkward moment at the dinner table one day... it’s OK!

2)      Spouse first, then family- Remember that after your relationship with Jesus, your spouse is your next priority. Keeping this in check will determine how you protect him/her, choosing to brag about their accomplishments, and all that good stuff. J It was hard for me at first to remember that Derek now came “before” my family. That’s part of the whole “leaving and cleaving” thing (Gen. 2:24). Yeah, remember that? In other words, your husband still exists when you’re around family! ;)

3)      Share the spotlight- Parents want to hear about what’s going on in their kid’s lives. Now that your honey is also a new son or daughter in the family, give them some room to shine too. J I love hearing my dad call Derek “my son” and Ama to call him her “big brother,” and for my mom to be so genuinely interested in what Derek is working on and accomplishing. If you get resentful or even jealous when your family shows interest in your spouse’s achievements, hobbies, work, etc., then that’s a red flag for some clean-up of the heart.

 

     Family loyalty, sincere love, and growing together are some of the core values rooted in our home as it relates to us and our families. Derek’s family is mine, and my family is Derek’s too. Don’t waste time holding grudges against in-laws, pointing out flaws, or complaining about what “they” aren’t doing. Take ownership of your own actions, create space for forgiveness and reconciliation, and move on towards keeping your families a top priority in your lives.

 Closing night of the event in which my dad preached and Derek closed the service in worship- in Spanish!

 

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family”- Anthony Brandt