In the last year it’s become obvious to me that there are a
few words that can carry a lot more weight than the “big three” of I love you. Want to know the other 3? I am sorry.
Confession: I have a hard time saying, “I am sorry.” Pride
is my downfall when it comes to apologizing. How do I know this? Because I
asked the Lord to reveal it to me and to renew a right spirit in my heart (Ps.
51:10.) The pride of not wanting to be wrong, pride of not wanting to seem weak,
or even worse, the pride of not wanting to accept that I made a mistake rears its ugly head
when I know I should be accepting my fault. On my list of things that I
have learned in this first year of marriage, saying “I am sorry” is up top. I
can’t deny that learning how to use these three words is one of the most important,
healthy, and powerful skills any young bride (or husband) can learn! Too much hurt is
carried for years because of resentment and bitterness that could have been
healed by a humble heart genuinely apologizing. Humility trumps pride, every
time.
Derek and I have come to realize that extremes aren’t healthy either. To
say it “too much” usually turns into one person stuffing hurt emotions, not
being genuine in the apology, or even worse, just apologizing to get a disagreement over with and not work
through it in a healthy way. I have heard it said before that people who
apologize too often usually struggle with unresolved past hurts, insecurity, people pleasing tendencies,
and more. Sometimes he or she doesn’t even realize that they are apologizing for any
little thing. On the other end of the extreme spectrum is to withhold an
apology. This creates more hurts, fuels pride, doesn’t allow for trust to grow,
and several other destructive things. Our God never intended for us to let this
go to either of these unhealthy sides…
I know this is way easier said than done. But, like I mentioned,
it’s an art that’s worth practicing more and/or learning. :)
1.
Ask
the Lord for humility- He can reveal things in your heart that you didn’t
even know were harming you and your spouse…like pride.
2.
Practice
saying “I am sorry!”- The art of
apologizing can be learned too. Thank God! J
3.
Learn
the "languages" of an apology- Just as we learn the languages of love (touch, gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation and quality time), there are
languages for apologies too. In Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Languages of Apology, he names the following three aspects of an apology and says that they
too differ from person to person:
·
Expressing regret- “I am sorry.”
·
Accepting responsibility- “I was wrong.”
·
Making restitution- “What can I do to make it
right?”
·
Genuinely repenting- “I’ll try not to do that
again.”
·
Requesting forgiveness- “Will you please forgive
me?”
If you have a great handle on this, awesome! Pray for us
YoungMarrieds who want to keep working on it. J
Don’t beat yourself up if this is an area you struggle in though. Let today be
your “clean start” and partner with God through it. Now, let’s get to practice!
Verses
on Pride & Humility
“A man’s pride
will bring him low, but a humble
spirit will obtain honor.” Prov. 29:23 (NASB)
“Pride leads
to disgrace, but with
humility comes wisdom.” Prov. 11:2 (NLT)
“For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who
humble themselves will be exalted.” Matt. 23:12 (NIV)
“Speak no more in your pride. Do not let proud talk come out of
your mouth. For the Lord is a God who knows. Actions are weighed by Him.”
1 Sam. 2:3 (NLV)
“But He gives
us more and more grace (power of the Holy Spirit, to meet this evil
tendency and all others fully). That is why He says, God sets Himself against
the proud and haughty, but gives grace [continually] to the lowly (those who
are humble enough to receive it).” James 4:6 (AMP)
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